Thu, 31 January 2002

Discussions with the Devil

Last night, as I was glumly staring at a Scheme exercise, hoping it would blink first, the phone rang, and Hila Hoffman was on the line.
(fade out)
(fade in historical background for the uninitiated)
Hila and I went out for two dates, after which she dumped me, adding to my allready famous world record of dates-to-sex ratio, all the above happened when we were both still in the army. I started learning, she went to South America, fucked a lot, got stoned a lot and came back to learn psych. We re-met in the halls of Naftaly, and she invited me to a dinner for two in her new apartment in shenkin. She was to cook the pasta, I was to bring the wine. The dinner didn't materialize due to technicalaties.
(fade out boring stories)
(fade in phone call)
Hila: Hi, I'm feeling so down, and I've allready talked to all my girlfriends, so I tought I'll call you
VL: (busily typing) A-ha. Thats very interesting.
V: (no typing anymore) I don't think so.
H: Oh, why not?! Don't you want me to be happy?
V: No. I have no interest in you being happy. I barely have one in *my* happiness.
H: You're such an SOB! You do you wan't me to be miserable?
V: I don't want you to be miserable, I just don't care weather your happy or not, And I won't do anything special to make you happy.
H: But why are you so nasty to me?
V: Well, you *are* in my black list.
(Yesh Hemsech Metaphisi)

(Hemshech Metaphisi)
H: (In horror) Me? In the black list? why?
V: Well, You *did* dump me.
H: But I though we were past that. I though we've passed a level. We're now in aplatonic level, aren't we?
V: Unlike a computer game, where you can enter a cheat code and jump a level, Here you have to kill all the bad guys before you finish a level
H: So, are you gonna kill every one I went out with or fucked with?
(This is the time to note that some girls have a problem understanding metaphores)
V: No, Never mind.
[snip drug stories, irreleavant talk]
H: So, can't we be like, on an aplatonic level?
V: I really don't need anymore yedidot.
H: (insulted) Oh, I see, So why are you talking to me?
V: Actually, I'm asking my self the same question. (LIE! LIE! LIE! we all know why I'm talking to her. To get laid).
H: I really need someone to fuck right now. Don't you know anyone?
V: (sardoniclly) OK, I'll do you a favour (In hebrew it's much better)
H: (laughing hystericlly) I love your sense of humour! you're so cynical and witty!
V: A-Ha.
(yesh hemshech vesiyum)

(Hemshech vesiyum)
H: I don't know why you won't find me a guy
V: As I've said before, I just can't raise empathy to you in your situation. If you really want, you can get laid anyday.
H: As you see, I can't. I don't understand why. I'm smart, beautifull, have my own apartment in shenkin, and great tits. What do you think about my tits?
V: I'd rather not comment on this.
H: Why not?! Just tell me if you think I'm worthy (Hebrew: shava)
V: No I won't.
H: Come on!
V: No.
H: OK, I see that you're not going to tell me, but I know that you think I'm worthy.
V: A-ha.
[greetings]
Well, there you have it, minus some parts (like: how to get a man to do it twice, what guys really want with women's bra's, etc.).
And - Once again, I've proved how inadequate I am at this MalePower(tm) thing.